Things NOT to say to someone struggling with infertility

Oh boy!!! This is HUGE!!!

Have you ever said something and later regretted saying it???? I know this happens to everyone. But, have you ever been insensitive to someone struggling with infertility? More than likely, the answer is a resounding Y-E-S!!!! You may not even realize what you have said is inappropriate. People that have never dealt with infertility personally, don’t understand how hurtful things can be. I am going to make a list of things NOT to say to someone who is struggling with infertility. Please try to have an open mind and consider how hurtful these things can be to someone else. Many, if not all, of these things have been said to me by someone I have come in contact with. Sometimes it’s family, could be co-workers, friends, etc. but, they are all equally hurtful no matter where they came from.

  1. Do you have kids? or How many kids do you have?
  2. Why don’t you have kids yet?
  3. Try not to think about it.
  4. You’re trying too hard.
  5. Give it up to God and you’ll get pregnant.
  6. There are options for people like you.
  7. Haven’t you heard of church services?
  8. Why don’t you adopt one of those Chinese babies?
  9. I have this friend that went through that  . . . (story ensues)
  10. You should just adopt first, then you’ll get pregnant.
  11. Are you sure you’re doing it right?
  12. Do you need some instructions?
  13. Y’all must be the newlywed couple? (We got this one for about 8 years)
  14. It will happen in the Lord’s time.
  15. You just need to relax.
  16. (insinuated) It’s never the guy’s fault.
  17. Invitation to join the “Empty Nester’s” group at church.
  18. We’ve decided you don’t need anymore dogs. You need to have a baby.
  19. Do you need one of those? (said to Nathan as the person was pointing to a crib)

This is just a sampling of things that have been said to me or Nathan. I will focus on a few of these individually in posts to come. Some of these comments are from complete ignorance, some are down right MEAN and some people just don’t get it!!!

Someone attempted to apologize for a few of the above comments by saying “I should have been more informed”. FYI, that is not an apology. That is an excuse for bad behavior. If you are guilty of saying any of these things to anyone, please make an effort to apologize. Take a step back and try to see infertility from the other side. Infertility really is a lot harder than most people realize.

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2 responses to “Things NOT to say to someone struggling with infertility

  • Tori

    I hope I haven’t ever offended you because you know I love you… I don’t think I made the list up there, but I am sure there are more things you have heard. The invitation was really, REALLY lame.
    Years ago I made a list of things not to say to people newly married after a divorce. http://swampbrat.blogspot.com/2007/07/new-wives-club.html

  • Kim

    I am amazed at the nerve and insensitivity of people….it’s sad really that people feel the need to voice their opinion on every aspect of other people’s lives.
    I wish you and Nathan nothing but happiness in whatever the future holds for you!

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